To all the future drunk women at tall paul performances: 19 clues to calling it a night

You know it's time to go home when...

• 19. You throw up on a table and your friends have to call your husband at work to come get you!!!!!!!!
• 18. You're tired so you just sit on the bathroom floor (and why not!).
• 17. Your sloppy hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves.
• 16. Your so numb you can't tell when your done peeing.
• 15. You start every conversation with a booming, "Don't take this the wrong way but...."
• 14. You think you're in bed, but your pillow feels strangely like a table at Mike & Willy's.
• 13. You ask the bartender if she forgot something, because your drink tastes like plain Coke, but that's just because you can no longer taste the Rum.
• 12. You've started to sound like Jessie Ventura from the cigarettes you've smoked, because (as you've mentioned like 10x's by now) you smoke more when you drink.
• 11. You've forgotten where you live, so you offer to go home with someone else, or anyone else.
• 10. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and sing becomes strangely overwhelming… and the crowd & Tall Paul are encouraging you to drink more!
• 9. The man you're flirting with used to be your 5th grade teacher. Or even worse, you realize that you used to babysit him and used to change his diapers.
• 8. You've found a deeper side to D.B. (An absolute fact that it's time to go home!)
• 7. There are less than three hours before you're kids will be up getting ready for school and wondering where mom is.
• 6. You get the blues and start crying for no apparent reason.
• 5. You drop your 2:00 a.m. snack on the floor, pick it up and carry on eating.
• 4. In your last trip to "pee" you realize you now look more like Tammy Faye Baker than the goddess you thought you were just four hours go.
• 3. You suddenly decide you want to kick someone's ass.
• 2. You've just had to get someone to help you pull your pants up in the ladies room.
• 1. You have absolutely no idea where your shoes are and you don't care.

Thank God for Good Friends!!!!!!!!